In the vanilla world, I ultimately get the same question over and over again, “Why Poly?” I always refer to the first polyamorous person I met and what he said to me; “How can you expect one person to fulfill all of your needs, wants, and desires?” My humorous response was, “well, that is what friends are for.” In a critical examination, he could not have put it more perfectly. We look at our society, with a large number of divorce https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/what-is-divorce-rate-america/, adultery, and secret online lives and say why not Poly? When I was married, I remember joking around a lot, saying I needed a wife. I know a lot of women who felt the same way.

More people today who choose not to enter into marriage questioning is that level of commitment knowing the risk of divorce worth it? When we are young, we begin to think about our ideal partner; we create a list; charming, attractive, funny, etc. I remember my list, and it was long. Can one person fit that expectation? Won’t we all ultimately end up being disappointed? I know that there is no way I could be everything on my partner’s list. I am only one person. When I realized my marriage was not going to see a lifetime, the fairytale I had in my mind was over, and I think back on it, and I know if we were in a Poly relationship, there is no reason we would not still be together. We could not be everything that we both needed.

Relationships are hard, having conflict or building resentments make them even more difficult. One of the bonuses of a healthy Polyamorous relationship is the need for communication. It is a necessity. Everyone has to be on the same page, boundaries in place, and expectations discussed.

Imagine a Monogamous marriage operating like that? I know many happy two-person couples and their unions are lovely, but clearly, not everyone fits into that category.

One of the bright spots that I see is how more and more people are exploring what works for them, especially in the younger generation. My kids identify as bi, as pan and as straight. They are all confident, self-possessed boys. Open and accepting, as their friends are as well. Growing up as a proud card-carrying member of Generation X, I believe we set the stage for it being okay to love who you want and how you want. It is beautiful to see it transform.

There might be many reasons why being in a Polyamorous relationship may not be for you just as there are many reasons why it would be. I would say, keep your mind open and your heart.