How many of you can raise your hands to the name of this article? Was your first Daddy/Mommy an asshole? Mind you, back then, in the early 1990’s I had no idea of DD/lg relationships or really any informed clue of submission at all. It was not until years and years later that the connection was made, and he was the one who told me. And yes, after all of these years, he is still a dick.

This is what I knew for sure, and I wanted to make him happy beyond anyone I had ever been with previously. When he told me what to do, my stomach would do flip flops, and my panties would get wet. Being with him made me feel safe and cared for. His presence was commanding, and I still have trouble accepting anyone else as my dominant. They are all compared to him in some way or another.

A few months ago, we were texting. The universe likes to put him in my path every couple of years. I am hoping this last time was it. At any rate, we were catching up, and we got on the topic of our ‘relationship,’ and he said, “I am you, Daddy, don’t you know that?” I almost spit my coffee out onto my computer. What was he talking about? How did he know, and I did not? How is it possible that I live in this world and not put two and two together? So, clearly, I was flabbergasted as he continued. Running through our dynamic, my response, the hold he has on me, etc., etc., etc. You get the drift. Somewhere in my submissive mind, I thought, OMG, this is it, this is what will finally bring us back together. He will be my Daddy full time, and I will be his little, and we will live happily ever after. So, you tell me…did that happen? No? And, why? Because he is a dick! He loves the idea of controlling me, he digs how I feel about him, but he really has nothing to reciprocate with. I was drinking in his words and believing everything he said like the puppy dog I am around him. After all these years, my experience, my work, one would think I would know better. But when it comes to the one who has that hold over you…clearly, it is not that cut and dry. Common sense tends to go out the window.

The experience got me thinking…what do you do as a little, who you see as the one, is not emotionally available? You know this person; he knows you. With mine, he formed me, and he made me get in touch with that side of myself. I knew I was already in the world of kink and BDSM, but I just did not have a name for it. But this guy brought it full circle. One look from him and I was putty in his hands. So much so I allowed him to break my heart time and time again, and I know, as much as it bothers me, there is still that small hope that he will show up one day, actually ready.

This is what I have come up with. If you are in a similar situation, how do we protect ourselves and allow other possibilities to come in?

KNOW THE REALITY

When dealing with this person, I have to keep my head about me. The reality is he is emotionally unavailable. Not just to me, to any significant other. His issue has nothing to do with me, it is not about me. I have nothing to prove to him. It does not matter what I want from him, he has no desire to change or grow, and therefore, he is not for me.

THERE WILL BE ANOTHER

The first does not mean the only. Now, this person may always hold a special place in your heart. Of course, they are an integral part of discovering yourself and your needs. But as experience tells us, just because they are the first does not mean they are the only. Appreciate what they were able to help you connect with and then find the right one. Take your time. Know what you want and do not settle.

ACCEPT THE TRUTH

This could be seen as the same as Know the Reality. But knowing and accepting are two very different things. I know my first is emotionally unavailable…but I clearly have had difficulty accepting it. As I have stated, there is a part of me that still holds out hope. This does not help me grow and it does not help me form connections and trust for others. In a lot of ways I expect every Daddy is going to be like him, so I find myself holding back. Which hinders the optimal experience. I know this has prevented me from meeting the right person. The right Daddy.

I always held him up on an unworthy pedestal. Thinking that no one would compare to him. Never did I anticipate that this could be a positive thing. It can be better. I believe the right Daddy will know how to love and accept all of me. Touch the parts of my brain and my body. So, yeah he was the first…not the last…and absolutely 100% not the best!

Have you had a similar experience? I would love to hear. Share below in the comments!