A friend of mine summed up relationships in three words: “Relationships are hard.” Now in my mind at the time was saying, “No shit.” But the truth is the truth. Being in a healthy relationship is even more work. The more people involved, the greater the chance of stepping on some bombs. In no way is this statement meant to be a discouragement to practicing Polyamory. The pros outweigh the cons on many, many levels. But that is not what this article is about. In any healthy relationship having “rules” is wise. If you are getting tripped up on the actual word, rules, think of them as best practices or guidelines if you prefer. Whatever term you would like to use, take a look below…

SHARING IS CARING?

Just because you practice Polyamory does not mean you or your partners want to hear the nitty-gritty details of time spent in your other relationships. This boundary is important to establish. There is no judgment. It does not say anything if you want to hear or prefer to keep the sharing to “going out tonight.” In my practice, I often recommend keeping a calendar, so there does not need to be an uncomfortable interaction. There is also something to be said about keeping the moments you are with your significant other private. Keeping certain aspects of your time together helps retain special moments in your relationship.

PRIMARY

Never stop dating your primary partner. Not only that, but discuss activities and/or specific places that are sacred to your relationship only. Maybe the two of you have a special camping site that you want to remain unshared. That is understandable and not an over-demanding request. Ensure that you are setting aside time each week to be together. That is not cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc. Often we can take our primary person for granted. Making that person feel special, seen, and wanted needs to be a top priority. Keep that connection solid and intact.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

All relationships require respect. Within the poly lifestyle, it is uber important to respect your partner’s choice in other partner’s. Bringing in negativity can crack the bond you two share, and eventually, the relationship will implode. You are not required to like this person, but you are also not dating them. Be careful about how you choose to express your feelings, ask yourself, is their relationship affecting ours negatively? Is this person causing strife between the two of you? When discussing your guidelines, this would be a great topic to discuss and how the both of you need to communicate if this occurs.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE RELATIONSHIPS

Unless you are a psychic, you cannot see into the future. Not all relationships are made to last, regardless of the lifestyle you practice. As of 2019, there were 15 divorces per 1,000 marriages. That is very low in comparison to what it has been. But that does not mean love is made to last. Keeping those lines of communication open and checking in with your partner can help cushion any storms coming in. Things change quickly, and feelings change. Many factors cannot be controlled. Being in touch with your partner, however, can help with staying on the same page. This is just as important to maintain with your other partners. Happiness and satisfaction need to be present. If they are not, then you could be risking all the relationships you are engaging in, including the one with yourself.

ME, ME, ME

Sharing your life with multiple people can lead to a fuller life than you ever imagined. However, don’t forget that spending time by yourself is pretty damn important. Makes the most of your me-time. It’s time for self-care. Go for a walk, meditate, take a nap, take some time just for and about you. It is amazing how we feel connected with other people and how that can fulfill us. Nothing fulfills us more or is more important than the connection we have with ourselves. Learning how to be alone, especially when your partner is out, can be a perfect distraction, and you will be feeding yourself with the necessary nutrients we all need.

Whether you are considering Polyamory, just getting started, or have been in it, consider these “guidelines” try them out. They will lead to happier and healthier relationships.

What are some rules that you and your partners have in place? Share below.

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