It’s bound to happen when we open our relationship up and involve other people. We certainly don’t like everyone. Here are some tips to help prepare and communicate with your partner if you don’t like the person they are seeing.

PREPARE

It is highly recommended that any couple involved in polyamory, open marriage, etc., have terms written out (like a contract). Within the contract, I feel that certain things are a must. The main one is open communication. This way, if you have an issue with someone your partner is dating, you can express that without fear of retribution.

COMMUNICATE

Even though open communication is stated in an agreement/contract, it is still crucial to use your words wisely. You never want to forget that your partner does have feelings for this person. You do not want to put them in a situation where they feel they need to choose.

Consider these tips:

1. Think before you speak. As yourself the following questions: What don’t I like about this person? Are my feelings important? Does it even matter that I don’t like them? I’m not dating them. Is this a “me” problem or an “our” problem? Meaning…if you don’t have to see this person, then what’s the big deal? Being part of the polyamorous lifestyle is about acceptance and opening your hearts.

2. After you’ve asked yourself the previous questions, and you still feel the need to communicate with your partner, check the guidelines of your contract. While constructing the agreement, it is possible that this level of communication would call for a meeting. And not a random discussion around the dinner table.

3. Be specific. The fewer words you use, the better. Have an outline. Pick the key points you would like to get across and plan to proceed forward.

4. Don’t be mean. Stay away from name-calling, voice-raising, and storming off. Those are not ways to communicate effectively. Always approach with the attitude of ‘treating someone the way you want to be treated”.

At the end of the day, remember that you love this person. And you both willingly participate in this lifestyle. Always come into conversations like this with respect and that knowledge.

If you need help navigating this situation, I offer a free consult. I’ll be happy to help you get through this.